Irene Alexander, PhD, CLC, ICF Certified Coach



Irene Alexander, PhD, CLC, ICF Certified Coach



Be Pursued, Adored, & Tenderly Loved in Your Marriage WITHOUT Therapy, Counseling, or Telling Him to Improve

You are Unavailable forStruggle! 


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Say good bye to fighting, anger and emotional distance, and step into a joyfulromantic relationship where your husband delightfully pursues you and makes you feel cherished.

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    I used to think that couple's counseling was the best way to help struggling marriages. What I realized is that-- it isn't true!

    Growing up, I believed what I just learned from the culture about what to do when you're having trouble in your relationship. Go to marriage counseling! But boy was I wrong...

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      When couples seek out marriage counseling, the premise going into those sessions is always something like this: 

      "I'm upset with you. You are not acting right. You are not meeting my needs. There is something wrong with you. You need to fix your anger problem, you need to stop shutting me out. You need to change and improve."

      Nine times out of ten, it's you (the woman), sharing that message with your man.

      By the time you've reached this point of seeking out couple's counseling. you have already tried communicating this to him in a kind way at home, but he doesn't really seem to get it and things haven't improved. 

      In fact, the more you tried to express this to him, the worse he reacts! 

      You saw him with your own eyes get defensive, upset, or maybe even he becomes coldly quiet, and doesn't speak to you for hours, or if things get really heated, sometimes even for days. 

      His distressing reaction leads you to believe that the situation is even worse than you thought! 

      Hence why you are seeking out couple's counseling. Because you care about your relationship! 

      You care about what kind of life your kids will have if this issue doesn't get resolved. 

      But here's the reality...

      (and it's something John Paul II also discovered when women came to him with their marriage problems--I go into this and how to fix it in WAY more in detail in my program).

      ***Telling your husband why he needs to change and improve is the OPPOSITE of how he will actually change and improve. 

      99% of women don't understand this at all about the way a man's heart is, and it leads to SO much hurt, and pain in the relationship. 

      It also makes it difficult for you to see how easily and quickly this situation can be turned around.

      Unfortunately, going to couple's counseling, where you're just going to do more of this kind of communication, but try to soften it with "active listening" and "I statements" perpetuates the damaging cycle.

      Your husband will feel even more humiliated, upset, and likely shut down even more. 

      This emotionally exhausting experience will lead you to believe that your man is too damaged and flawed to have a healthy relationship, and there's nothing you can do because he refuses to change. 

      Let me tell you something.

      *YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT KIND OF DRAMA in your relationship.

      You literally do. not. have. time. for. that. 

      That's not who you are, or what you want to bring into your life. 

      So whenever you're ready to ditch the failed approaches and actually learn:

      - how to eliminate the drama and get more of what you want- learn how your man (as a man!) actually feels loved, and- increase tenderness & emotional intimacy, 
      Let me Know!

      Because you got married to live happily ever after--even after seeing the real him with all his weaknesses and flaws--and still knowing exactly how to attract all the love and intimacy you want in your relationship.

      Dear daughter of God, it's yours to receive.

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    Why Focusing on His Childhood Wounds Never Leads to Lasting Intimacy

    When your husband acts in a hurtful way, it's reasonable to think he still has wounds to resolve from his childhood. But here's why going down this path always leads to separation and divorce! 

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      When you see your man get angry or shut you out emotionally after you just made a helpful suggestion, it feels really upsetting.

      I mean...why does he act like that? Doesn't he know that it makes you feel incredibly hurt and lonely?

      Your head starts spinning in all directions trying to make sense of his strange reaction.

      And since you're a compassionate person, you want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

      Maybe it's not really his fault.

      Maybe it's his upbringing!

      After all, you know how much family of origin influences us, and you know that his childhood maybe wasn't the best.

      But what upsets you most of all is how his family baggage is affecting your relationship right now!

      In the present!

      So next thing you know, you're telling him that you guys need to go to counseling to fix his issues so that at last he can be a better husband and father.

      Seems like a reasonable solution, right?

      After all, if you don't ever get to the source of the problem, how will it ever be fixed?

      And if it's never fixed, how will you ever have the happy and emotionally intimate relationship that you, as a woman, crave in your heart?

      Why Focusing on His Childhood Wounds is Damaging Your Relationship

      Here's the truth.

      The more you focus on why your husband is "damaged," has "issues from his childhood" the more you are sending the message to him that in your eyes, he's not a capable nor admirable man.

      He's more like a wounded puppy.

      But if he would only fix...X, Y, or Z, he could be (at some point in the future, hopefully), a good man.

      What's happening is that you're telling him that in your eyes, he's not really someone whom you can respect.

      Maybe to you it doesn't sound like that's what you're saying, but that's what he hears.

      And this will not land well upon his heart. Why?

      Because it's basically like saying you don't really love him. Maybe he's even said that to you, and you find this response bewildering.

      This is SO confusing for women because from our perspective, it feels like we're actually showing just how much we CARE about him and the relationship, and we're just having "honest communication" and "addressing the issues."

      But this is not how you'll get the intimate relationship that you desire. Not only that, but you'll be spending so much time, money, and most of all emotional energy on all the WRONG things, so you won't have the tender relationship you really want in the first place.

      Don't believe me?

      Talk to any woman who divorced her husband. She'll tell you all about his flaws and his childhood wounds, and why their relationship couldn't work because he refused to work on himself, despite couple's counseling.

      This really breaks my heart because it doesn't have to be that way. I know this upsets some people who have already chosen otherwise, but the truth is, 99% of the time, relationships are entirely fixable, so long as you know and do the RIGHT things.

      But what if he really does have issues?

      Now, let me be clear. I'm not denying that people have issues. In a certain sense we all do (ha!). So what can you do when you see issues from his past that you feel are affecting your relationship?

      This is exactly what we teach in the Adored for Life Signature program.

      What if you knew exactly how to preserve the EMOTIONAL SAFETY of the relationship so that all of a sudden, your husband vulnerably shared with you about his own failures and flaws, and he knew he could trust you to listen and hold that space for him with love.

      What if--because you're now a pro at emotional safety--you see your husband, on his own (gasp!) begin to take steps towards his own personal growth (without you having to keep reminding him).

      It would be amazing, right?

      This is not a fluke. It's the fruit of understanding sexual difference, and why you and your hubby are not generic "partners" or "mates."

      If you want to see dramatic transformation in your relationship, so all those "issues" that caused so much tension are gone, then reach out to me today!

      My soul's mission is to make every woman be pursued, adored, and tenderly loved in her marriage.

       Isn't it time to say "yes" to that?

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    Is "Misery" Really a Stage of Marriage?

    There's a well known program in the Catholic world designed to help save struggling marriages. Trouble is, it justifies the pain you feel instead of eliminating the root cause of it.

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      Without naming names, let's talk about one of the most well known programs in the Catholic world for helping couples with their marriage. The program teaches that marriage follows four stages: 

      1. Romance2. Disillusionment3. Misery4. Awakening

      The rationale is that most divorces happen when couples go through the "misery" stage not realizing that it's "normal" and they never make it to the awakening stage where things calm down and at last, become more peaceful. 

      No. No No. No! No!
      And honestly....Ew!

      Let me set the record straight for you. 

      There is literally no such thing as "misery" as a stage of marriage.

      First of all. Let's begin by tapping into our common sense. 

      Is there ever a stage in any area of life where being in excruciating pain and extreme "misery" is a sign of health and growth? 

      No. There isn't.

      Think about that pain scale in your doctor's office with the smiley faces and progressively sad and miserable faces. 

      Misery is a clear sign that something is seriously wrong, not that something is a healthy stage of authentic development. 

      So claiming that "misery" is a healthy stage. Ooooh. That bothers me. That bothers me a lot! 
      Because you know what. 

      It. Simply. Isn't. True! 

      The problem is that the program designers do not know what the root cause of marriage pain *actually* is.

      So in a noble effort to help couples stay faithful to their vows (I wholeheartedly applaud that intention!), they want to justify "misery" as just normal part of the marriage relationship...

      with the pale promise that there's light at the end of the tunnel, because (aha!) there's a fourth stage where things will get better...eventually...

      (And who knows how long "misery" lasts.) 

      Let's get professional here for a minute.
      If you show up in the ER with abdominal pain you describe as "miserable" your physician is going to give you a shot of morphine and take some scans right away because he or she knows--as any professional would--that something is seriously wrong, not right. 
      Literally no one would presume that everything is going exactly as it should be. 

      So if you're ready to discover what's the real root cause of the "misery" and get some morphine quickly! Do this instead.

      Remember, you are completely unavailable for misery!
      You and your husband were made to love and be loved in the sex specific design of him delightfully chasing after you, pursuing you, and you receiving his wildly attractive masculine and tender love for you. 
      It's 100% possible without any misery at all and it's yours to receive.  

Be Pursued, Adored, & Tenderly Loved in Your Marriage WITHOUT Therapy, Counseling, or Telling Him to Improve