IRENE ALEXANDER, Ph.D., C.L.C. ICF Certified Coach

IRENE ALEXANDER, Ph.D., C.L.C. ICF Certified Coach


How to Motivate Your Manto Do Even More for You

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It always thrills a woman's heart when her man comes through for her. 
When your man comes through for you, you feel cherished and loved in your marriage. Guess what! Your man feels loved when he knows that he can please you--when he's succeeded in making you smile.  
(Isn't that just lovely how it all fits together?)
But maybe over the years things are feeling a little blah-blah in your relationship. Maybe you want to FEEL more close and connected. Perhaps secretly you wish your husband would do even more for you?
Here's how to motivate and inspire him. :) 
1. Acknowledge what he does already and tell him that you appreciate it.

What does your man do for you already? Does he earn the money for your household? That’s a huge and often exhausting labor on his part. Do you thank him for it out loud? Does he take care of the cars? Help with housework or kids? Keep track of the finances? All you have to do is just acknowledge and receive. It's SO easy to do and can make you feel so amazingly adored.

Did he pick up a gallon of milk on the way home because you felt too tired to struggle strapping kids into car-seats? If you dismiss his efforts, your relationship will become lonely, because he will feel like no matter what he does, he just can’t be your hero, and he’ll likely give up trying. It's so easy to make marriage great again by just receiving his love.

So take a moment and savor in your mind all the things that he does for you. Then make it a point to tell him.

2. Be specific in your gratitude.

“Thanks for all you do” is not bad, but “Thank you for helping me carry these groceries” is more concrete, and it gives him specific information on how to please you, so that he can keep doing these things, even without you asking! 

(Wouldn’t that be nice?)

If you noticed that he changed the toilet paper roll, refilled the soap dispenser, or put gas in your car why not say thank you? It’s a small thing, but it tells him that you delight in finding these things already taken care of.

Receiving is so powerful a gift because it tells the giver, “your labor is appreciated. Your efforts have been worth it. You’ve succeeded in making me smile.” That reception absolutely delights and inspires a man, like you wouldn’t believe. Seeing you happy and smiling makes him want to give you more and more. 

3. Try not to find fault with his efforts.
It's 100% more satisfying to focus on what he does well, versus trying to find fault with everything he does. Sure, he's not perfect. Maybe he loaded up the plates, but forgot to scrub the pots and pans. He's human, just like you. 
I want to share a perspective from a husband I recently interviewed. He said, 
"I was helping out with the dishes after dinner, and then I don't know what happened. I was tired. I got distracted. I forgot to finish. When I sat down with my wife later, I began to cringe because I remembered that I didn't finish the job. But then she said to me, "You did so much work making the kitchen clean. I really appreciate it." I couldn't believe it. It felt SO good when she saw what I did, instead of what I didn't. And you can bet that I finished the job the next chance I got."
The more you show appreciation and praise what he does, rather than constantly finding fault with his efforts, the more he will want to please you. Because inside he thinks, "I can win with her." So guess what? He'll keep wanting to win with you. 
One of the most common causes of marital demise is falling into the cycle where a man feels that whatever he does, it's never good enough for his woman, so he eventually becomes too discouraged and stops trying. Don't let that be you! 
4. Give him clues about how he can delight you.
It is the pride of a man to be able to please his woman. Let me say that again...
IT IS THE PRIDE OF A MAN TO BE ABLE TO PLEASE HIS WOMAN
So please, be pleas-able and make gratitude your superpower.
But maybe there's a desire still lingering in your heart. Remember, your man is NOT a mind-reader, so he needs your help in knowing how you most feel loved.
He needs to know your desires. "I could use some help with_____" "I would really love______" Sharing your desires without complaint or expectation gives him the freedom to think of the best possible ways to come through for you. 
And when he does....be sure to thank him. ;)


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