Irene Alexander, PhD, CLC, ICF Certified Coach

Irene Alexander, PhD, CLC, ICF Certified Coach

Why Spiritual Intimacy is Necessary for Your Marriage & Your LIFE!


Do you ever get teary-eyed when you read a great romance novel, or watch a movie where a strong and handsome man comes at last for the beautiful woman he loves?
I think of Edward from Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility. How much Elinor yearned to be loved by him! 
How his proposal (spoiler alert!) brought her to tears... “I have come to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be yours.
Ever wonder why that story touches something sacred in your heart? Why you secretly yearn for that love?
That’s your feminine ache.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve probably fought with your ache all your life. 
Maybe you expected your husband to be the one to perfectly fulfill that ache in your heart. It likely turned out badly and left you sorely disappointed. 
The truth is, your ache is so deep, so real, so vast, so precious, that no one person could ever fulfill your deepest feminine yearning.
So why do our hearts yearn so much if they could never be fulfilled?
Isn’t that just frustrating? Doesn’t it lead to depression and despair? 
You ache for more intimacy because you were meant to be the bride of God’s heart.
Today, listen to the voice of your divine Bridegroom whispering to your soul: “Beloved, you do not know how deeply you are mine. How much you belong to my love.” 
Your Bridegroom is whispering these words to you....
You are mine. You belong to my love. You always ache for more, my precious girl, because in the secret of your heart, you have always yearned for Me.
Do you understand it? Allow yourself a moment to just feel it all (and wipe your tears!). 
Your heart’s deepest ache. 
Your insatiable yearning to be loved. Your desire to be the bride. 
The one to whom God himself says, “My heart is, and always will be, yours. You Belong to His Love
You are more than Mrs. So and So, wife and mom.
You are more than a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a grandma. You are more than your professional title. 
At the core of your identity, you are His Beloved, the bride of His heart. 
Your heart always aches for deeper intimacy because all along, your heart aches for Him. 
Our world has become accustomed to thinking of love as simply doing a good deed. It’s true but terribly incomplete. 
The deepest meaning of love is belonging. 
It’s looking into the eyes of Love knowing deep down, I am his
“My beloved is mine and I am his, and His desire is for me.” (Sg 7:10) That’s intimacy! 
Do you know that God desires you? Just sit with that for a moment. 
Do you know that he sees past your shame, your feelings of unworthiness, whatever mistakes or failures you may have in the past, and he just sees you. What he sees is beautiful.
He wants you to know his love. 
He yearns to be the hero of your life, the hero of your heart. The one to whom you can entrust all that’s in your heart and know that He has what it takes to come through for you. 
He sees your beauty and He’s enthralled by what He sees. 
God has come to pursue you and romance you. He’s asking you to be the bride of His heart. 
It’s literally the greatest marriage proposal in the world! “As a young man marries a virgin, so your builder will marry you. As a bridegroom rejoices in his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” (Is 62:5)
The choice is yours, will you receive him?
Why Spiritual Intimacy with God enriches your relationship with your husband.
Locking eyes with your divine Bridegroom is the indispensable step for intimacy, both human and divine. 
There are several reasons why you won’t see the transformation you yearn for in your relationship until you lock eyes with your divine Bridegroom. 
1.Your heart yearns for more than what your husband can offer.
 It’s empowering to discover this truth about your heart as a woman. Because expecting your man to fulfill your whole heart will always lead to disappointment, and to you initiating the dreaded Cycle of Neglect & Disrespect, the #1 killer of marital intimacy. 
It’s perfectly normal to admit that man and woman fulfill each other in a complementarity way, but can't fulfill each other totally.
2. You can only know your true worth from the love of the divine Bridegroom
Knowing your own worthiness is the foundation for any healthy relationship. 
Otherwise, you will become needy and expect the other person to tell you who you are, instead of knowing already you are the bride of a King. 
Discovering your deepest identity as the beloved bride of your Bridegroom’s heart makes you come alive in your beauty. Receiving His love in your soul makes you even more attractive to your husband. 
3.Knowing your worthiness in Him enables you to be accountable for your mistakes. 
It’s very easy to see your husband’s mistakes but be blind to your own. (I've done this too! Mea culpa) Here’s why Bridegroom’s love is indispensable. 
By knowing my own worthiness in Him, I am able to distinguish who I am, from what I do.
If I make a rude remark, I did something wrong, but I didn’t damage my whole worth, or who I am.
The more I know my core identity as the beloved bride of His heart, the easier it is to own up to my mistakes and apologize for my part. There is no faster way to restore the affection and connection in your relationship. 
4. Only the Bridegroom’s love can give you the grace to forgive your husband for his mistakes. 
Since none of us married a sinless man, (Damn, Eve, you had it good!), your husband will have things he needs to apologize for. 
But it’s nearly impossible to extend that vulnerable forgiveness unless I am first aware of how much I have been forgiven.  
I can only have that deep awareness when I lock eyes with my crucified Bridegroom. There at the foot of his cross, I know I have received without pay, so I can give without pay. 
5. Only the Bridegroom can place in your heart a personal mission to make you come alive and transform his wounded world. 
Boredom and un-fulfillment lead to bickering. Ever notice that the most critical people in the world don’t have their own personal mission? 
It’s way easier to criticize everyone else than to create something of your own. 
Creativity involves bravery. Criticizers are too afraid to contribute. They win first place in following their fear. 
Failing to find your personal mission means you’ll always be tempted to over analyze your husband and turn him into your home improvement project, instead of listening to the voice of God speaking in your own heart.
The world is your improvement project, not your husband. The world needs your distinctly feminine genius. As JP II argues, “Woman has a genius all her own, which is vitally essential to both society and the Church.” 
As a woman, you notice the needs of the human person before anyone else does. It’s a superpower you have. You are meant to offer a gift of love to the world.
 How is God calling you to show up and offer your heart? Lean into your personal mission and watch how your relationship transforms! 

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