What if the reason your marriage feels hard and emotionally distant isn’t because your husband is too flawed and won’t change, but because the way you’re trying to fix him is actually pushing him further away?
If you’re like most women I work with, you’ve probably tried talking to your husband about the way he needs to improve, communicate better, or even get help for his issues.
You feel like you’re being really clear with him, and you’re doing everything you can to express your needs, but it’s not working.
Trying to talk to him escalates into yelling and fighting and you see no real change on his part. Your relationship feels so frustrating and hard because you don’t feel seen, nor are your desires met with love and understanding.
Here’s the breakthrough that will change everything for your relationship:
When you spend all your time focusing on his flaws what he needs to do differently, why he’s the problem and needs to change, you’re unintentionally creating a dynamic where he feels criticized and inadequate in your eyes.
That criticism, even if it’s well-intentioned, makes him shut down more, not less. And the more you keep trying to “communicate” your needs by pointing out his flaws, and what you think he needs to change, the more you both end up feeling hurt, unloved and emotionally disconnected.
Here is why this is happening.
It happens because of a hidden cycle called the Cycle of Neglect and Disrespect. The more you tell him what he needs to change and improve the more he feels disrespected and shuts down.
He doesn’t want to talk to you. He stonewalls. Then you feel hurt and neglected even more, like he’s not even hearing you or doesn’t care about you. Which feels awful.
So what do you do next? You either try that again and what happens? The same hurtful cycle repeats itself so then you're like, "forget this," and you just quietly check out and decide not to share your heart with him anymore.
And if this is happening in your marriage, you need to realize that this is not a neutral place you can just stay in. You’re on your way to a distant and loveless marriage (which of course nobody wants).
If you are experiencing symptoms like seeing your husband’s defensiveness, anger or emotional distance, I can guarantee you that he feels hurt and disrespected and this is the underlying reason for the emotional distance.
The good news is: this is something you can change. In fact, only YOU can! And when you do you’ll see an immediate shift in the relationship—like it will feel like you have a completely new husband by Saturday.
So, what should you be doing instead? Two things:
Number 1. Stop commenting on His behavior.
Right now you’re saying things like, “oh my gosh you spent money on this?” Or “you’re just on your phone all the time and I can’t even get your attention.” See?
You either want something or are afraid of something, but instead of knowing how to communicate that in a way that will immediately command your husbands attention and have him tune into you emotionally and with love, (which is what I teach in the Adored for Life Program), you are instead pointing out what you think he’s doing wrong.
This is actually breaking down trust and respect, even if from your perspective it feels like you’re just having "honest communication." You likely saw him act defensive when you said that, and that makes you think that he’s just so stubborn and uncooperative, but what’s actually happening is that you are breaking trust with him even though you don’t realize it.
It’s like trying to bake a cake and you want it to taste yummy, but you’re putting sour ingredients into it—not realizing that they are actually expired.
This can be fixed immediately and you’ll experience a completely different response from your husband.
Number two: You need to learn the *psychology of intimacy.* This is the ONLY effective approach for repairing married love because it is based on the genuine sexual complementarity between husband and wife--how each one makes the other feel loved.
The truth is the way you crave your husbands love is completely different than the way he craves your love. (This is WHY it’s so easy to miss).
You and your husband are not just generic “partners” like the mainstream marriage help industry says.
You are a man and a woman, husband and wife, so not only are your core desires for each others love different, they are designed to fit together. Much like sex, where your bodies are really different from each other, but designed to fit together.
This sexual complementarity exists in the human heart and the marriage help industry completely misses it, which is why if you’ve tried the standard approaches like couples counseling, or psychotherapy, or sitting down together with a pastor trying to talk about the problems, it hasn’t worked for you. (I have another post on that, below).
When your marriage is hurting and feels really hard and emotionally distant, what’s actually happening underneath is that the deep core desire of your feminine heart to be pursued, adored, and tenderly loved is not only not fulfilled but the way your husband is currently acting right NOW is wounding that tender spot in your heart when you most ache for his Love—where you wish he would act differently towards you.
I mean think about it. Isn’t that why it hurts so much? It’s not that he’s just missing your heart’s deep desire for love, but his behaviors are actively wounding it right now. And the reverse is also true.
The more you are just trying to “share how you feel” about what he’s doing or not doing, the more you’re not just missing the way that your husband most needs to feel your love. It’s actively wounding him right now. THIS is why when you’re stuck in this dysfunctional cycle that is SO painful, more than either of you can even put into words. That’s the Cycle of Neglect and Disrespect and it’s the #1 killer of marital intimacy.
This is what is actually causing the breakdown in your marriage. Not whatever are the particular problems you see on the surface, like arguing about parenting or money, or whatever personal issues your husband has. That’s like the tip of the iceberg. If you want a different result, you need to deal with the larger dysfunctional cycle underneath.
You see a lot of the time you look at your husband and think that something is wrong with him. You think that because of his issues your marriage isn’t working. Maybe you see he has wounds from his childhood, ongoing insecurities or traumas he’s never dealt with, or you see he drinks too much. Maybe your therapist or even a friend suggested to you that your husband is a narcissist.”
So you’re joining FB groups on narcissism and you’re secretly trying to diagnose him, but what you don’t realize is, the more you choose put the focus on why he is to blame, why he’s the problem, (and yes it is a choice) the more you are actively hurting your relationship. You’re going in a direction that doesn’t serve you or your relationship at all.
It’s like saying, “I want to spend a quiet day on the beach” but what you’re actually doing is filling up your schedule with stressful things and not taking any steps toward the beach.
If You want to grow old together with your husband feeling so safe and loved in his arms. If you want to sit side by side with him at your kid’s graduation or wedding and feel even more in love with him than on the day you married, you need to stop entertaining the thoughts in your head or telling your girls friends why you think your husband is so terrible. That ends NOW because that will never get you to the beach. It just makes you feel stressed out and sad. You’re not here for that.
You’re here to be pursued again, adored again, and loved SO tenderly by the man to whom you gave your body and your heart.
I teach women the *psychology of intimacy* the exact practical steps that take you to the beach, so that you can have the gift of REAL love in your marriage for a lifetime.
Ive personally seen this work miracles for hundreds of women who have come to work with me. But I’ll tell you the truth, it’s not really a miracle. It’s a proven and predictable outcome once you understand what specific actions create intimacy with a man, and which ones crush it. The reason you don’t yet have a deeply intimate relationship with your husband is not because you can’t, it’s because you’re not yet doing the actions that immediately attract his tender love for you with ease. And the reason you’re not doing them is because
A. right now you’re still too focused on his flaws, and B. you’re not entirely sure what those actions are.
One client of mine, Sarah, was doing couples counseling and was on the verge of divorcing because her husband was just completely checked out, had anger problems, she told me she thought he was a narcissist because he never cared about anything she wanted.
But when she stopped insisting that he was the problem and starting using what I taught her in the psychology of intimacy, here’s what happened: he apologized to her for his own part of the damage, he went out of his way to support her and care for her needs. He became very affectionate with her.
Every time I see her now she thanks me for being such a light in her life and that she is so much happier in her marriage. We actually live in the same city and I sometimes bump into them, and I literally see her husband put his arm around her and kiss her tenderly. It’s really beautiful. And you’re next!
So If you’re ready to stop the cycle of emotional distance and start having joy, love, and emotional intimacy, you can Join the program here. You deserve a love that is beautiful, where you get to be cherished and adored for life.

2. Rebuild TRUST

Why Couple's Counseling Doesn't Work & What to Do Instead

Have you and your husband gone to couple’s counseling, but you notice that not only is your relationship NOT improving. It’s actually getting worse?
Here you are pouring your heart out, but instead of feeling closer to your husband, like now he’s really listening and he gets it, you actually see him get defensive, angry, and maybe even refuse to participate?
If that sounds like your experience, stay with me. I’m going to share why couple’s counseling often fails and show you exactly what you should do instead to experience a powerful transformation in your marriage.
You’ve either gone to couple’s counseling or you’re thinking about it, because you really care about your marriage. You’re hoping it’ll fix it. So you sit in a room with your husband, and you start sharing about all the issues—your complaints about him, his flaws, the fights you’ve had, how disappointed you are in him and why you think he needs to change.
You think that airing all of this out together with your husband in front of a counselor will lead to these amazing breakthroughs, or that even secretly, you’re hoping your therapist will take your side and talk some sense into your husband.
But here’s the hard truth: this approach completely backfires, because what are you doing. Instead of doing the actions which build connection, you’re actually eroding the very foundation of trust and respect. The problem isn’t that you’re seeking help for your relationship (that’s actually a good thing); it’s that the approach is working against the emotional bond you want to strengthen.
Instead of both of you feeling closer, you feel more distant. Why? Because the way you’re sharing—focusing on “the problem with you” or “here’s what you’re doing, or failing to do” comes across as criticism or blame, even if you don’t mean it that way. Even if you feel you’re just having honest communication about the relationship.
This actively breaks down trust and emotional intimacy, the very things you’re trying to rebuild. And doing this in front of a therapist? It can feel even more humiliating for both of you.
You likely witnessed your husband getting angry, or emotionally shutting down, or somehow trying to share that hearing all of this makes him feel really hurt. No husband is going to be like, “wow, honey, I had no idea you felt this way. Now we’re really getting somewhere.” Why? Because you’ve already had these same arguments and fights at home and they didn’t get resolved there either!
When you bring up all your husband’s shortcomings it is inherently disrespectful, when you do it in front of a therapist, it’s even more so. You think we’re just having honest communication and addressing the issues, but that’s not what’s happening. Your husband actively feels your disrespect for him, which is why he probably tells you that you’re being mean, even though you think he’s the one who is acting terribly.
Let me tell you how to break out of this. You need to rebuild TRUST & Emotional Safety. Telling him, “here’s why you’re so bad and I can’t trust you” whether you do this at home or in front of a therapist, is the EXACT OPPOSITE of trust and emotional safety.
So if you actually want to fix your marriage and experience a VERY different result, like, seeing him tuning into you emotionally and listening to your needs and desires with love and understanding, you have to actually GIVE UP talking about the problems you see on the surface, and change the dynamic underneath. It’s like this iceberg. What you see is only that thorny thing sticking out on the top of the water, but what you’re missing is that there’s a dysfunctional dynamic underneath, consisting of lack of trust and lack of respect.
Now, here’s the truth. YOU have the power to change this dynamic, and it starts with how you share your heart.
So, what’s the solution? Instead of focusing on what’s wrong in front of a counselor, you need to immediately change how you share your heart with your husband.
Because the way you’re doing it right now is creating emotional distance instead of emotional intimacy. A lot of times, women think, “well I need to be able to share how I feel” but they think that means I need to criticize him so that he understands where I'm coming from and what he needs to change.
I’m going to tell you, the happiest wives in the world, literally, NEVER do that. They are ALWAYS doing something else, and then voila, their husbands are immediately attracted to and in tune with them emotionally, and all of a sudden then the wheels in their head are turning, and they start thinking through SO many creative possibilities for how to make their wives SMILE.
THAT’s the dynamic you want and you want to know—how do I put that on repeat?
Why this actually works...
Well, there’s actually a Cycle of Intimacy that you want your relationship to be in. In the Adored for Life Program, we call this the Rhythm of Romantic Love. And it looks like this: It’s 3 steps.
1. You inspire him (this means you share your heart in a way that shows your trust this immediately grabs his attention)
2. He pursues you. (this means, Without you nagging or coercing, or even telling him what you think he needs to do, he is FREELY coming though for you, responding to your needs and desires, taking action to make you smile).
3. You receive him. (You receive that love that he is showing you), and guess what, this brings pleasure to you both. Because he actually WANTS to be your hero, and you delight in receiving that love.
By the way, notice that this Rhythm of Romantic Love in your relationship where you inspire him, he pursues you, and you receive him, which delights you both, is also the Rhythm of the Act of Sex. You arouse, he pursues, you receive. ;)
That’s because the act of sexual intimacy even in its bodily structure is the very same rhythm of love that brings joy to both husband and wife. Because the design of your bodies reflects the deeper desire of your hearts.
Now, you might be thinking, “Yea, but shouldn’t he be working on his issues too?” That’s a fair question.
Here’s the truth: as the woman in the relationship, you hold the most powerful role in creating change. Your energy, your words, your approach—they set the tone for the whole thing. Ever wonder why in chess, the queen is more powerful than the king, she can go in any direction as many steps as she likes, but the king only goes one step at a time? It’s because even the game reflects the underlying truth about men and women in a marriage relationship—the king with his queen.
You are extremely powerful. And when you inspire instead of criticize, complain, shame, or blame, guess what, your husband will come for you with the sincerest love . And then the ball is in your court, will you receive it and inspire him all over again?
Notice that in this Cycle of Intimacy, you the woman, both begin it and complete it. Realize right now and never forget how much power you bring to your relationship. So if you start using the psychology of intimacy to initiate this Rhythm of Love in your marriage, GET READY, because he will massively change in his response to you. I’m not saying he’s doesn’t have flaws. He’s human and we all do. But if you want your marriage to actually be tender and emotionally intimate you have to realize that your influence is profound.
Usually you feel the opposite at least initially and that’s what drives you to pursue couples counseling. I’m so powerless, there’s nothing I can do, he’s the one that needs to change. But the anatomy of intimacy in your relationship is exactly the anatomy of sexual intimacy. It’s what I showed you in that Rhythm. You inspire, he responds, you receive. Create that Rhythm in your relationship and you’ll be Adored for Life.
So If you’re ready to actually fix your marriage, stop the cycle of emotional distance, and start having real joy, love, and genuine emotional intimacy, you can work with me by clicking the button below. Because girl, you deserve a love that is beautiful, where you get to be cherished and adored for life.

3. Should You Give Up?

What every wife experiencing emotional distance from her husband must know before giving up on the relationship. 

Before you give up on your marriage, what if the emotional distance you’re feeling isn’t because your husband doesn’t care about you, but because you’re both trapped in a cycle that’s pushing each other apart?
If you’re feeling emotionally distant from your husband, you might be thinking it’s because he’s not trying hard enough or doesn’t love you anymore. Maybe you’re even considering walking away from your marriage.
But here’s what you need to know: the distance isn’t just about him. The way you’re trying to improve the relationship—by pushing him to change or pulling back in frustration—is actually making the gap wider. You’re both stuck in a cycle where neither of you feels loved or respected, and that’s what’s keeping intimacy with each other out of reach.
Here’s how this dysfunctional cycle works. When you feel that your husband is being neglectful in some way, you might try to get his attention by pointing out what he’s doing wrong and what you want him to do instead. But these actions make him feel criticized or rejected, so as a reaction, he pulls back too.
You notice he gets defensive, angry, or even stonewalls, like he refuses to speak to you. And you find this SO frustrating because it feels like you’re just having “honest communication” and “address the issues” and when you get a reaction like that, it feels like something is wrong with him. And you’ve tried this now several times and you keep getting the same reaction: no real change on his part, so you feel like he doesn’t care about you, which makes you feel hurt and hopeless.
Here is the key breakthrough. So before you give up on your marriage, here’s what you need to know.
What you are actually doing is telling your husband WHY he’s failing you, which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what motivates and moves a man.

Say it with me now, I want to know what motivates and moves my man. I don’t want to hurt him. But I do want to know what motivates and moves my man. GOOD. Because so far, you haven’t done this.
Before you give up, try this. First, pause and notice HOW you communicate with him. What does your communication look like.
- Are you commenting on his behavior? Like, “I can’t believe you treated our son so poorly” - Are you telling him what YOU think HE needs to do: “You need to be more sensitive.” “You need to speak to a therapist about your anger problem.”
Look at what is happening. In both cases you are complaining to him about HIS behavior and telling him how You think HE needs to improve.
So many women do not realize this, but in man language this is DISRESPECTFUL. And communication like this is inherently damaging the relationship. When “sharing how you feel” means criticizing your husband or insisting that you know better, you are showing him neither trust nor respect, which is why he reacts in a negative way. It’s not that there’s something wrong with him, it’s that he feels hurt.
I teach women the *Psychology of Intimacy* which is how husband and wife make each other feel loved. The truth is that your core desire for love is very different than your husband’s so you can be wounding him repeatedly and not even realize it or intend it. Then when he reacts negatively to you, that is wounding to you too, right? And then you complain about that behavior, and he feels he cannot WIN with you.  Here’s what you need to know about your husband. A. He wants you to be happy. B. He wants your respect. When you are talking to him about all the problems you have with him, this is actively breaking down the trust and respect that you need to have both emotional safety and emotional intimacy.
When I teach you the psychology of intimacy, this changes everything. All of a sudden you know exactly how to phrase everything so that it influences your husband positively and he takes action on your desires because he wants to show you that he cares for you and loves you.

When YOU do this, and it’s only within your power to do. Amazing things happen!
I’ve worked with women who were separated thought their marriages were over, only to see them transform into loving, intimate marriages. One client, Emily, was ready to leave after years of distance. She and her husband were actually living separately. But when she started using the psychology of intimacy, he responded to her VERY differently. You see, 99% of the time, the couples that are having serious marriage problems are actually really good people. But they are not communicating in a way that builds trust and emotional intimacy and are actually not only missing each other’s core desire for love, but actively wounding it. This is why it is SO painful, and why really good-hearted couples can have such a hard time.
Your husband is not a bad guy, but he is reacting to how you see him and how you share your heart with him. Bottom line, You don’t have to give up—you just need the right tools to create intimacy.
If you’re ready to stop the distance and create a marriage full of tenderness, where you actually feel pursued and adored, like you’re dating all over again, apply to work with me and subscribe to my channel. You deserve a marriage that feels loving and connected—let’s make it happen.

4. The TENDER Husband

Steal My Easy Marriage Model & Watch How Tender Your Husband Will Treat You

What if the secret to having a tender, loving husband isn’t about changing him, but changing one simple thing about how you show up in your marriage?
If you’re longing for your husband to treat you with tenderness, you might think the problem is that he’s emotionally unavailable or doesn’t care enough, or maybe he has a psychological wound from his childhood, so he’s just forever going to be aloof and insensitive, I hear you.
But here’s the game-changer:
Right now, the way you’re trying to get that tenderness from him—is by telling him that he’s not being very sensitive, or tender and affectionate. It feels like you’re telling him what you want, but since you’re here, you and I both know that this doesn’t work!
Not only that, but it likely creates even more emotional distance in your marriage because you’ve just told him that you feel like he’s failing you in this area.
To you it sounded like honest communication, but to him, it’s completely deflating. He probably checked out and went to go watch TV or something. And then you’re thinking, “did he even hear me at all?” It’s so mean that he would do the opposite of what I just told him I need from him.
I hear you. Stick with me.
The happiest wives in the world don’t say things like that. Happy wives move their husband's hearts by way of ATTRACTION. And I don’t mean physical attraction, like they put on a pretty dress or something. They are actively doing something ELSE—it’s an emotional trigger, one of the things that I teach— which then immediately moves their husband to respond with profound tenderness.
Here's the KEY. The ONLY way to really see a difference in how your husband responds to you is to change how YOU show up.  
How YOU show up affects how he responds to you. Let me say that again. How you show up affects how he responds to you.
So if you want to experience his REAL tenderness towards you, you need to stop telling him, “I wish you would be more tender and sensitive.” Again, this feels to you like you’re just sharing your need, but it’s actually pushing him away from you rather than attracting them to you.
And if you keep doing this, he’s going to check out even more. Why? Because he feels like no matter what he does, he cannot win with you. This is WHY he’s distant. And this is something you can change right now.
Now, you might think that the reason he can’t be tender is that you married a man who isn’t very emotionally intelligent. So he’s just always going to be insensitive and aloof. You’ll never be able to have that intimate connection with him. This is not true.
Here's why.
Now, Take a look for a minute at what’s underneath that statement— it’s your BELIEF that your man isn’t capable. In man language, it’s like saying you don’t love him.
THIS is why he’s distant, not because he’s not capable of showing you love, but he’s afraid of making the effort because he fears your criticism of him. He wants to show you his tender love, but YOU need to make that space both to inspire that love and to receive it.
If you’re ready to stop the distance and create a marriage full of tenderness, where you actually feel pursued and adored, like you’re dating all over again, apply today You deserve a marriage that feels loving and connected—let’s make it happen.